DEAR, GTWF

I own my own e-fed, WWE Immortal! I use to RP here as Kano but I got annoyed cuss I kept deleting my RP’s on accident lol. Anyway here, I know GTWF offers the best RP’ers so I wanted to know if you guys can rate my RP and tell me what I need to work on. Peace, thxz,

Magic

The fed i own is based on WWE so I'm using WWE's Great Khali as my charcter.

(There has been a great time in Immortal, A great time when David Devine was king of WWEI, A great time when Christian Cage was beating everyone left to right. A great time when Gm Ron Simmons was bringing ECW back to its feet. A great time when Vengeance was the first pay-per-view for WWEI and succeeded its expectations with a great main event which featured David Devine defending his championship against upcoming superstar One & Only! Times like the death of Chris Benoit that echoed thru the halls of Immortal. A time when Taco John’s was the most famous restaurant in Immortal. A time where even people like Brandon X had a small piece of the cake. A time where the pervert camera man was running around filming the WWEI Divas. Yes nothing but great times in WWEI Immortal. Well now their seems to be a new calling, a new chapter. A new era! David Devine has left WWEI as the retired WWEI Champion. The destruction of Immortal now the rebirth has something to offer. That’s right! The future of WWEI is finally here, Lots of superstar’s faces are glad as they have their old home but with a new attitude and style. WWEI’s top underdog makes a comeback, Pit-bull is his name! Teck anxiously waits to make his WWEI debut as he never got the chance. A new threat going by the name of Randy Orton is walking around, hell even Mr. McMahon seems a little bored with nothing better to do but harass the WWEI superstars once again, but……… There is someone lurking the WWEI halls. Someone who never got that recognition or respect like all the other successful superstars in WWEI history. The man goes by one name and that name is. The Great Khali! A monster like no other, a powerhouse...... No wait, to much of a small word! Half Unstoppable force and half unmovable object. This beast, this monster, this Immortal will walk thru the WWEI halls to challenge any superstar willing to step in the ring with him. There is only one problem. You see Great Khali knows there is no one that can actually beat him, so tonight, in front a sold out house. A pre event before the rebirth of WWEI, Raw as well. The Great Khali will sigh a contract which boosts him right into the pit of the Immortal roster. Tonight is the time for the best to be let out the cage!)

(The Camera opens up in a familiar place. Yes you guessed it, Reminds a person of the days before the first RAW was hosted. Oh yes, the crowd is on its feet. You can feel the electricity running thru the air. Hmm their seems to be a bit of a disturbance though. You see, good old WWEI Chairman is in the middle of the ring. Dressed as respectable as always, finally grew his hair back, having a mic in his hand, but like always the WWEI crowd will not let him speak. Vince McMahon waits for the boo’s as well as cheers from the WWEI crowd to die out, but it has taken longer then expected.)

Vince McMahon: Hmmm, Good evening yall. I’m WWEI Chairman, Vince Kennedy McMahon. I’m here in the live moment of sighing a big name to the WWEI. Yes that’s correct, the rumors are true. The Great Khali will make his appearance tonight as we get this underway. As you can see we already have the preparations ready.

(The Camera looks over in the ring; a red rug is covering the matt. A dark brown wooden table is placed in the middle with a black desktop. Two chairs are placed opposite sides of the desk. A contract lays in the middle of the table with a nice navy blue pen waiting right next to it)

Vince McMahon: I guess you already know what time it is, With out a further though. Ladies & Gentleman! May I introduce to you, THE GREAT KHALI!!!!

(The Great Khali’s theme music hits the PA system. The Great Khali is wearing his large black pants as usual. Large black boots, His hair is still the same. If the Great Khali were 5 foot 5 his hair would reach his shoulders but given he is 7 foot 3. It does not even reach halfway thru his shoulders. The Great Khali throws his arms up standing on the ramp as the fans cheer for the monster making his way down to the ring. The Great Khali is emotionless as he keeps staring straight ahead. Mr. McMahon walks to the opposite side where Great Khali is coming from and quickly sits down. The Great Khali is now climbing up in the ring and throwing one leg over the top rope. The Great Khali is now inside the ring staring down at Mr. McMahon, but after a few seconds, The Great Khali stares down the WWEI fans as they just stare Blankley back at him. The Great unleashed and everybody will be a target. No one is safe, it appears the WWEI Fans have realized that now. The Great Khali throws his arms up in mid air as Vince McMahon is devoured by a grin that has been released upon his face. The Great Khali stops, looking down at the contract. The Camera quickly switches to Mr. McMahon who brings the mic to his lips.)

Vince McMahon: Well Khali…. You know what time it is!

(Vince McMahon hands The Great Khali a pen, The Great Khali looks it. Immediately taking out of McMahon small, puny hand. The Great Khali stared down at the contract, signing it, after the contract was finally sigh. The same smile that appeared on McMahon’s face is now on Khali’s face. Vince McMahon stands up immediately with his mic in hand)

Vince McMahon: Well that was easy was it not?

(The Great Kali smiles as Vince McMahon speaks to him, but just out no where. Vince McMahon & The Great Khali were rudely interrupted by _______ as his music hit the PA system)