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Tip for Spirituality, Religion, Theology, and Philosophy
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Provided by: tekekekektkekk
Apr 8, 2008
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according to the bible,this is what you have to do to get into heaven
This tip is currently ranked 1.6 out of 5 by a bunch of voters.
This isn't worth any gems... :P
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Ok,pretend I'm the pope.Now you want to get into heaven right?RIGHT? AND NOT BURN IN HELLZ?THEN DO WHAT THIS SAYS,ALL OF IT, ALLLL OF IT? WANT TO QUESTION GOD? OMG HES QUESTIONING GOD SATTAN WORSSSHIPER. Anyway heres what you need to do to get into heaven and not burn in hell: 1.Beat up 500 giraffs with a shoe. The shoe must be red,and must have a cross on it. Also the giraff must be gay. 2.Recite the entire line from every play by shake spear, and then every episode of the view. And then convert to polgamy and marry every person ever on the view. Unless their fat,or white. 3.Write a poem about larry king,then hack every computer in the world and send a video of you reciting it in a pink dress holding a banaha. The banaha should be blessed by a muslim,and then stuck up an elephants butt. 4.Jump off the moon and land on ralph nateor,there for making him president of the world. Also you may want to assinate the other canidates,along with jackie chan and chuck norris,they pose a pretty big threat. 5.watch this video 3000 times:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0G7kSWqDqYA&feature=re ated .then shout ITS OVER 3000.Then beat yourself with sprork. Shaken not stirred. 6.Have a priest bless a cabbage to make it holy cabbage. Never drop it for the rest of your life. Except when you die. 7.Cut your butt off. Devour it and dufficate it back into your bottom. If that doesnt work,blame rickard dawkins for using black magic preventing it from working. 8.Strap a bomb to your chest and blow up anything above an IQ of -2 because it is god's will.If your still alive,you should blow up a giraff,then yourself again til you die. 9.Bring yourself back to life using a holy cabbage. Then play the game maple story and get to level 200,then kill the next highest player screaming GOD SAVE THE QUEEN,oh and assassinate the queen with a test tube because it is gods will and everybody knows god hates test tubes,them being all sciencey and all. 10.If you do the other 9,you get into heaven as an angle. Now murder all the other angles because they weren't angley enough,then burn in hell. Then murder everyone in hell because their not suffering enough. Then try to kill god for not following gods will. He will see you as the god you really are,and turn you into a giraff. All giraffs will now see you as a godly figure and want to dufficate on your soul.Devour them. If you do ALL this,you will get into heaven. I have read the BIBLE,IT IS GODS WILL, DOOOOON'T DENIE IT INFIDELS! |
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There are 16 Replies:
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Message
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Person and Time
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Well that was awkward. |
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Immaculate Blood
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Apr 8, 2008
(34 days and 22 hours ago)
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Quite frankly, it isn't man's decision when it comes to who goes into heaven and who goes into hell: that's God's job. |
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Forte Lambardi
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Apr 8, 2008
(34 days and 21 hours ago)
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No silly,its the popes job =D. And according to him,all gays,tran-sexuals,feminist,atheist,pro-abortionist, pro-ev lutionest,non-catholic,and liberals go to hell. THE POPE HAS SPOKEN, IT IS GODS WILL. |
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tekekekektkekk
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Apr 8, 2008
(34 days and 19 hours ago)
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if you want to go to heaven, make the pope a sandwich it's stupid, really. you cant go to heaven because you side with science, or how you were born. this is a bad as saying "we will not let black people into our schools" stupid pope. |
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4,8,15,16,23,42
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Apr 8, 2008
(34 days and 19 hours ago)
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of course you cant get into heaven if you side with science they are completly opposite |
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Pontificating Sevon-ay
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Apr 8, 2008
(34 days and 18 hours ago)
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acording to the bible this "god" of yours makes up some pretty stupid things, eg "kill this man with a knife, but the knife must be this, that must be that, ot must be done like this, on a sunday with, yeah, you get the idea, pretty stupid eh |
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ramrodman31
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Apr 9, 2008
(34 days and 12 hours ago)
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wow tek, way to make a whole bunch of stupid comments... |
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feign
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Apr 9, 2008
(34 days and 10 hours ago)
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Wow numbnuts, it's not me who posted this. |
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Tek Jansen
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Apr 9, 2008
(34 days and 10 hours ago)
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not 'I' |
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Tek Jansen
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Apr 9, 2008
(34 days and 10 hours ago)
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I assumed it wasn't you, was too lazy to look up IPs and was also lazy in the number of teks I was going to use to reply to this guy :P |
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feign
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Apr 9, 2008
(34 days and 9 hours ago)
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Then I hereby remove the status of 'numb' from your nuts. Of course if you are a woman, then...uh...crap, not enough caffeine in me this early in the morning to come up with a 'funny'. |
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Tek Jansen
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Apr 9, 2008
(34 days and 9 hours ago)
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lol I'm a guy :P Drink apple juice instead ;D |
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feign
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Apr 9, 2008
(34 days and 9 hours ago)
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Where do you mod, btw? |
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Tek Jansen
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Apr 9, 2008
(34 days and 9 hours ago)
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Depression/health :P |
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feign
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Apr 9, 2008
(34 days and 8 hours ago)
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THAT's where I saw you as a mod...I'm neither terribly healthy nor depressed, so I don't frequent those places }:-) |
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Tek Jansen
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Apr 9, 2008
(34 days and 8 hours ago)
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Haha rightly said, because I've been travelling lots I haven't had the time to read many posts, but as most of them aren't 100% serious, and the health forum usually already has its answers by the tiem I get on anyway... |
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feign
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Apr 9, 2008
(34 days and 8 hours ago)
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